Life with purpose, conscious living

Expressions like “everything is for a reason” , “meant to be” or “its fate” I used to hear as a kid from my wiser, “life experienced” mother at the end of our conversations after she fully exhausted options to give me as an answer. They sounded so apocalyptic and ominous. They got stuck in my head, leaving me with contradictory feelings of absolute hopelessness and no control of my own life. At the same time it would appear as a faint light at the end of the dark tunnel, a sign of prospect to find the key to the mysterious closed door of my existence.

I wanted to become my own life’s Detective: investigate, ask questions, photograph, raise suspicions, find a reason, get to the bottom of the matter.

But first, I had to be “stupid”. So, I lived. I experimented. I succeeded and failed. I held and let go. I followed rules and then broke them. I created space and then closed it with intimacy. I bang at “doors” then crawled through “windows”. I run away then stayed. I surrounded myself with noise to find quietness. I controlled then surrendered. I speed up to slow down. I felt week to be strong. I demanded honesty when I lied. I cried then laughed. I stimulated my senses and then deprived them. I read then wrote. I became dependent independently. I hated then loved. I lost then found. I begged then gave away. I practiced stillness in motion. I gained patience through impatience. I found hope in desperation. I built then destroyed. I died then lived again.

And then I found my peace, the meaning, the purpose, the balance, the key to my existence. It came to me like a perfect alignment of constellations after a long struggle. It was an “aha” moment, a perfect climax to my Movie I patiently sat through “boring” part to see the ending long after I ran out of “popcorn”. Finding “me”, for me, was a long process. It continues to be a journey, but with a PURPOSE now, Its like floating down the river in a cheap plastic raft not knowing what is up ahead vs. leading my own expedition equipped with navigation, tools, crew, and music, screaming “Life is fucking amazing!” as I battle through “rapids” to get to my final destination.

How did I find it you ask?

Symbols, clues, signs, and synchronicity.

Symbol is a concise definition of an idea, concept or a thought reduced to a character packed with grand meaning. Symbols are powerful tools in cinema, theater, literature and performance. If they used well, on the background, for example, they add richness and texture to a story. It highlights importance of a point and like a missile, delivers the message more precisely. For example, TV screen on the background, featuring a medical show, a scene from a surgery on a bleeding heart during lovers argument would make a stronger statement, we would know for sure what we are dealing with hurtful situation. Symbols at the beginning of a movie, could be a sign of premonition and foretelling. If a movie’s opening act features a red sports car, we would know there is going to be some fast car chase packed with danger.

Symbols could be universal or have an individual meaning.

Learning how to recognize, read, analyze and apply them in real life, is possible to predict a future, decipher current life events and understand the past. By aligning self or tuning to same “frequency" to immediate surroundings, people or universe on a big scale, (sometimes called a “hunch”, “a gut feeling”), its possible to gain a deeper understanding on a specific life event. Signs, dreams, music, repeating words, events, numbers, tattoos, unique sequence or order of them, happening at specific time and place, carry a powerful message. If recognized and followed, they can bring on a great insight, knowledge and closer to the “truth”.

In March of this year, I traveled to Nepal, Everest region. On the way back to San Francisco, the flight I booked 4 months prior had a long layover in Turkey. I searched for another, direct connection but could not find it. So, I took at as a sign I needed to have a layover in Turkey for a reason unknown to me. But I figured, hey, Istanbul could be fun: Turkish bath, Turkish delight, Grand Bazar! I normally don't watch movies on a plane, but “INFERNO” stood out.

I put my book away, worked through my prepackaged airplane food watching Ron Haward’s latest creation. For those who has not seen it, “Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks), a famous symbologist, follows a trail of clues tied to Dante, the great medieval poet. When Langdon wakes up in an Italian hospital with amnesia, he teams up with Sienna Brooks (Felicity Jones), a doctor he hopes will help him recover his memories. Together, they race across Europe and against the clock to stop a madman (Ben Foster) from unleashing a virus that could wipe out half of the world's population.” Eventually, they end up in Istanbul, which has the next big clue that helps to solve the mystery, a grave of H. Dandolo in “Hagia Sophia”, with climax of the movie and the revelation happening in “Basillica Cicterns” where the bad guy is caught and the bag with the virus which was abut to explode and infect entire population, is contained by Bob’s former lover.

“All major conversations and revelations happen in doorways” Robert says. I took a mental note of that, and wrote in my journal: “Hagia Sophia", and “Basillica Cicterns". It cannot be more appropriate and “coincidental” movie for me to watch two hours prior to landing in Istanbul, having no plan and in general, fascinated by symbolism in my own life. Right?

So, I landed and took myself next day to see Hagia Sophia. At the entrance, a tour guide offered me his services. After I scared him with my request, saying that anyone can “google” the facts but what I was really looking for is more answer to my personal questions, he agreed with hesitation. We purchased tickets, walked thru metal detector and carefully started our conversation. I asked if he had seen the movie “Inferno” and he said he never heard of it. I was deeply disappointed because I wanted him to be as excited as I was seeing this place in real life after I just watched it in the movie.

We slowly walked around the mosque, a museum now, talked some trivial facts and history, eventually made our way and paused under a Giant Door of Hagia Sophia, one of nine built as a King’s entrance.

It was so grand, covered in gold and ridiculously ornate, it really could not be any bigger as a symbol. My mind immediately retrieved the movie message “All major conversations and revelations happen in doorways” and my ears tuned up, waiting to hear something important, my next big clue. We talked about why there were nine doors, and not say seven or five. In numerology, Nine is symbol of wisdom, leadership, heaven, magic, and fulfillment. How appropriate, right? But what really impressed me how adaptable this place truly was, a symbol of “Compromise” and monument of “Timeless”. Originally it was a christian church, later on, it became a mosque, so, christian symbols got either covered, like ceiling frescos, or turned into neutral signs, like cross on a door became an arrow by simply removing one line. And I thought, wow, its really clever, this door, the paintings and entire church exist today entirely because of wise decisions some people made in the past. Its easy to destroy than to built. And this is important how, you ask?

On a global scale, this is a great lesson of how to solve conflicts, how to compromise, how to not destroy valuable things, how to preserve, how to adapt and how to make wise decision for the future. And on a personal level, this could be a great lesson how to save and fix valuable relationships, friendship, how not to be destructive.

Few hours later, I was sitting in the back of the taxi, which was taking me back to Istanbul airport. I was listening to Celine Dion on my phone, deep in my thoughts, processing all the information, when a huge billboard sign went by with enormous letters spelling country Turkey as “TUR-KEY”. Turkey is the “KEY”, was the “KEY” for me to gather understanding on something important, to enter the next DOOR of knowledge.

Now it made perfect sense why I had a long layover in Turkey.